have you imagined spending your
ENTIRE life with someone else?
seriously, before i met C, no.
i cant see myself being married,
having kids and growing old.
afterall, i am at the prime of my life.

but C, he changed my perception.
after spending so much time with him.
i realised, i could get married to someone.
i could even bear the pain and have kids.
walk hand in hand till we grow old.
he knows that i wont judge him in his
most unglam moments. vice versa.
and we have this special telepathy thing
going on to read each other's mind.
we talked about the life we wanna have.
the dogs we wanna rear. CORGY!
but i want a siberian husky, maltese too.
we're gonna name our first kid, a son. cayden.
although we have different mindsets on
how to bring up our kid like how i want him
to know everything and go to the best schools
but he wants cayden to have a normal childhood
and not be a know-it-all. HAHA.
we talked about how i'll take all his pay and
give him ten bucks a day allowance but
he'll rebut me and say he'll open a swiss account.
there's nothing under the sun we cant talk about.
nothing embarrassing. nothing too awkward.
that's him and me. (:

sleeping beside C last night
was a heartbreak affair.
i could feel my heart wringing.
as sour as lemon.
i could sense all his fear and uneasiness.
all the nights in camp, i'm afraid he hasnt
had one night of good sleep since tuesday.
he was so uptight, so uncomfortable.
even in his own bed.
the entire night, i lay watch by his side.
caressing his chest and whispering to him
"do not be scared. do not scared."
and he managed to sleep soundly after that.
i know he must have felt my presence.
to know that he's not alone and i'll be there
to protect him against all harm.
so he slept, like a baby. my baby.
it was to a point when i know he is truely
comfortable and sleeping soundly that i
dozed off myself.
the sound of his breathing at ease is my
lullaby and signal to fall asleep.

he's going back in to cck again tonight.
infinite dont wants but there isnt much of a choice.
cross my fingers that he doesnt get
confined the following weekend
cause he's falling ill and i know there's no
place he'll rather be than to be back home.


/if staying up all night to chant could
make you sleep soundly at night.
i'll do it, without any hesitation.